President Bush Drops the Ball

He was part owner of the Texas Rangers at one point and The Prez ought to stick to baseball. He's no basketball player! Here's what happened yesterday when the Miami Heat visited the White House. Fooey. We all know W loves him some Steve Nash! The Suns are far more deserving of a trip to see Bushie. We just don't want them to ever visit Danger Dick Cheney though -- we've got a championship to go after this year and we all know Cheney is the kiss of death!

One Liner News for Wednesday - A Smart Mouth is a Terrible Thing to Waste

Actually, we couldn’t help but turn a couple of these into two-liner news just to be wise acres. Sometimes One Liner News is meant to be funny and sometimes it’s just meant to be a cultural observation. Most of the time we really don’t have a goal in mind though. We just surf news and make smart comments. Or dumb ones.

Nash Leads Suns to 5th Straight Win
…Britney Spears could learn a lot from Steve Nash – whether balding or with hair, Nash still finds success.

Martha Stewart 4Q Profit Beats Estimates
…and we have our first comeback queen of 2007!

What Castro and Chavez Spoke About
…Britney and Anna Nicole, naturally. No really, it’s a Castro brown-nose fest for Chavez we couldn’t even finish reading.

What Would Jesus Wiki ?
…Probably something to do with James Cameron – and we can smell the “WWJW” t-shirts already!

They Might Be Giants “Snacktones”
…very cool for music fans with no attention spans and a penchant for TMBG.

Woman Accused of Using Infant Son as Car Down Payment.
…Hey now, we may have cheap Chinese goods all over the place, but we’re not China yet.

Stocks Set to Rebound
…Britney’s reputation, however, is not. (Couldn’t help it; it was just too easy).

Peak Dope from Atonella Barba to Jesus!

Best Marketing Scheme Ever from Topps
Baseball card maker Topps has come up with the most inventive way to get Americans interested in buying their baseball cards this year – they’ve Photoshopped President Bush and Mickey Mantle onto the Derek Jeter card. The company’s spokesperson says people should look at the rest of the cards in the set with a critical eye, suggesting maybe there are more surprises.

Entertainment Weekly Takes the High Road on Antonella Barba
It’s hard to find one clean article on the Internet today about American Idol contestant Antonella Barba, but we finally managed to do just that. She’s the one getting more attention for her topless pictures being leaked onto the Internet by a so-called friend than she is for her singing.

What You Didn’t Hear About This Year’s Oscars
You saw the moment Al Gore got snubbed before he could make whatever announcement he was about to make. (There’s a limo parked behind The Kodak Theatre with it’s lights on!) You saw Melissa Etheridge beat out three songs from Dreamgirls in order to win her Oscar for her song I Need To Wake Up from Gore’s Inconvenient Truth. But did you know that the 79th Annual Academy Awards went green this year?

Top ‘Young Hollywood’ Stars Haven’t Been in a Movie Since ‘04
The Forbes list of the top money earners in Hollywood is out and some of the richest stars in young Hollywood don’t even work. Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen have a combined income of $40 million but haven’t been in a movie since they were in New York Minute in 2004. Also super-rich and still naturally pretty (to some extent) are youthful stars Daniel Radcliffe of Harry Potter fame and Lyndsey Lohan…who is famous for being famous. Lohan is only worth $6 million. Maybe she better go dig some gold from Radcliffe who is worth $13 million. That $40 million banked by the Olsens isn’t much in Oprah’s world though. Forty-million dollars is what she dropped this year alone on opening a school for girl in South Africa.

Hollywood Director Finds Jesus!
No, Christianity isn’t the latest trendy religion to sweep La-La Land – Director James Cameron is certain he’s unearthed the lost tomb of Jesus and has even made a documentary about it. Israeli archaeologist Amos Kloner says Cameron is only trying to pimp his documentary to the masses.

Britney Rumors Abound…
Either she has post-partum depression or she’s bipolar. That’s the latest rumor anyway.

Another Decent Oscar Moment -- The Comedy Musical

Look, with all kinds of technological advances we have these days, there's no reason to sit on the couch watching the Oscars and we hope you didn't last night! We're accumulating the only entertaining stuff that happened on TV this weekend right here on the Peak Blog. Check out Rain Wilson on Steve's Blog -- he hosted SNL. And take a look at all the Oscar fun in posts below. It's all you need to know to fit in around the water cooler.

The Departed is Best Picture!

Not only that, but the film also won Martin Scorcese his first Oscar. Forest Whitaker won Best Actor for his role in The Last King of Scotland. Best Actress was won by the shoe-in – Helen Mirren for The Queen. But everyone knew she’d win that. Melissa Etheridge’s song I Need to Wake Up from An Inconvenient Truth won for Best Original Song. We worried about that once since three songs from the movie Dreamgirls dominated that category, but our rocker chick pulled through for us.

The Trailer for The Departed


Speaking of An Inconvenient Truth, that was Al Gore’s movie. Gore was in attendance and was inconveniently interrupted by the orchestra while about to announce what we can only guess was a presidential bid or something else boring and political. See the video below.

Al Gore About To Announce Presidential Run at the Oscars?

This is pretty funny; it almost makes us wish we'd wasted a Sunday evening watching the Oscars last night!

James Taylor to Perform at Sunday's Oscar Ceremony

James Taylor will be just one of the performers at Sunday's Academy Awards ceremony at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood. Melissa Etheridge, Beyonce Knowles, Randy Newman, Jennifer Hudson, Keith Robinson, and Anika Noni Rose will also be performing. Etheridge will be performing her song from Al Gore's documentary, An Inconvenient Truth called I Need To Wake Up. Hudson and Knowles will be performing their songs from Dreamgirls. James Taylor and Randy Newman will be performing the song Our Town together from the film Cars.

End of the Week Peak Dope Extravaganza!

We check in with everyone from Guns n' Roses to Kevin Federline

If for no other reason, because it's fun. You don't admit you read this stuff, but you do.

And The Dead Body Goes To…
Howard.

Oh, do you need more explanation than that? Fine then. Howard K. Stern has been awarded custody of Anna Nicole Smith’s dead body so that it can be buried next to that of her son. The judge lost his last shred of professionalism as he handed down the decision in tears. That’s right – he cried like he was watching a chick flick. One thing is for sure – this story may go away someday but its weirdness never will.


Guess Who is Going to Try Rehab Again?
Here’s the other story that won’t go away. Britney Spears has checked herself into rehab again. Possibly this time she will stick around to hit the 24-hour mark? We’ll wait and see. Rumor is her mother drove her back to rehab after she tried to see her kids and failed because Kevin Federline wouldn’t let her in his house. In what may be the best headline ever, TheAge.com is reporting “Britney spears SUV,” and shows photos of her stabbing an SUV with an umbrella. Public mental breakdowns by the super-famous are so very entertaining.


Who Are You Calling a Bitch?
You can use the word when referring to a female dog, right? Because we are, and so is a Seattle store for pampered dogs called “High Maintenance Bitch.” Residents of the progressive city are taking offense. There is no comment from dogs who use the products with names like “Street Walker Paw Cleanser.”


G n' R Delays Release of New Album – if That’s News to You.
This shouldn’t surprise anyone, but Guns n’ Roses has once again delayed the release of their new album in a move to further waste even more record label money. We’re just sayin’. Maybe Axl Rose’s prison cornrows are wound too tight? Maybe he should go to rehab with Britney? We could make up excuses for this latest setback all day.


Actual Positive News Related to Former Guns N’ Roses Member!
Now that is news! According to Ultimate-Guitar.com, Slash is going to be writing his autobiography and it will be out as early as this fall.

The Devil Woman Gets a Job!
Hedging her bets that she may only win a few million in her divorce from Paul McCartney, Heather Mills has taken a spot on Dancing With The Stars. She will be the first woman to dance on the show wearing a prosthetic leg – and with a Beatle’s cool millions possibly in her pocket by then.


Reminder: The Oscars Air Sunday Night!
The Departed or Dream Girls will probably win the most awards. That’s just what we hear from people.

Van Halen Successfully Messes With us Again.

We cannot live like this anymore! Maybe we should just boycott Van Halen for screwing us around like this because guess what? The tour is off again and nobody is giving a real reason. But we know adult rock stars just can't grow up and get along. Maybe we should just stop playing their records. Maybe we should just have our heads examined for thinking they actually might get back together and make it work for at least a tour with Diamond Dave. Anyway, our feelings are hurt again. We will be licking this wound all afternoon.

Wanna see a grown man cry over his cell phone?

What have we become? We can't function anymore without our technology! Before you make fun of this guy, tell us you haven't had a similar moment in your life.

Peak Dope!

It’s more gossip than you’d ever admit reading -- especially in front of the guys.

We say that last bit knowing it’s true for both men and women. Shall we start the Dope with the obvious Britney Spears rehab story? We honestly could have written this one on Saturday and saved it for just this moment.

Britney Seeks Help; Stops Taking Pages from Anna Nicole
We all know no one helped Anna Nicole Smith in time, but Britney’s handlers apparently still care enough about her to get her little bald butt in rehab. In the greatest boon for Kevin Federline’s custody case yet, Spears has checked into the Promises rehab center in Malibu. Hey, you’re nobody until you’ve checked into rehab twice in a week. Maybe this time she’ll stay there. Her hair follicles can only hope!

Smith’s Beau/Lawyer Takes the Stand
Howard K. Stern took the stand today in the trial to decide who gets what of whatever Anna Nicole Smith had at the time of her death. Not much came of it other than Stern telling the courtroom he never married Smith because he didn’t want to be seen as a gold-digger. He also testified that Smith was upset that her own mother had accused her and Stern of killing son Daniel. Stern also said he doesn’t even know what Smith’s burial wishes were because all her diaries and computers have been stolen from her Bahamas home.

And Now, a Serious Article About the Iraq War!
We just wanted to see if you’d fall for that. How about more scandalous Peak Dope? We thought so. This time it’s about New England Patriot Tom Brady, who is soon to be a father to Bridget Moynahan’s child. Funny thing is, while Bridget’s belly grows, you’ll find Tom more and more in the arms of supermodel Gisele Bundchen. The two have been photographed canoodling in Paris.

One Liner News...low on the Britney Jokes But High on the Dead People Jokes

...and yes, there is a difference.

Spears has entered rehab, websites say …most people just use Rogaine or buy a wig; we’ve never heard of rehab for baldies.

Twelve-step program aims to cure e-mail addiction …we tried it but were kicked out of the program for e-mailing our sponsor.

Trump’s hair on the line at Wrestlemania …is the combover an actual evil wrestling character or something? And now: Donald’s Trump’s Combover versus The Shears That Shorn Britney!

The biggest mystery is not how he died but how his electricity stayed on for 13 months…also from the land of things we can’t figure out – how someone can be dead for over a year before anyone notices.

Man returns from visit, trips on corpse…this is totally unrelated to the story above.

ALERT: Cows cause more global warming than cars!…who the heck is riding a cow to work anyway?

Ever see a guy beatbox the Super Mario Bros. theme while playing the flute?

Neither had we until we saw this guy! This is far more entertaining than the Britney Spears bald head video. Gah! Did we leave that up through the entire long weekend? So sorry.

The video everyone has to see this weekend!

Heather here wondering why Peakerheads want to see a bald Britney Spears. I have had calls on the request line about this! Is this the new hair sensation sweeping the nation? I guess that is what happens when you are simply famous for the sake of being famous. It is not like the woman has given us any new music in a while. Judging by this video, she may be working on giving us a mental breakdown though. Happy viewing.

Conservatives are funny now.

After years of being dominated by Steven Colbert and John Stewart, the right finally has some comedy to call their own with The 1/2 Hour News Hour. It's brought to you by Joel Surnow. You may know his name because he has already created the Emmy winning 24 on Fox.



Speaking of Fox, to be fair and balanced we though we may as well mention something about Steven Colbert who is getting his own Ben & Jerry's flavor called Americone Dream. It will be vanilla filled with little chocolate covered vanilla cones and a swirl of caramel.

We are The Police and we are back!

Watch all the Big Game commercials!

Then leave us a comment telling us which ones you liked best.

Happy viewing!

Heather picked this one as her favorite already:


Did the Bud Light commercials do it for you, or did you just love the Monster ad about surviving training sessions? The Kevin Federline spot was hilarious, but was it better than the beard combover?